This evening I was reading some of the forums I’m in. In them some people are going through family crises with loved ones. While I try to wish them all the best, it reminds me of where I was a year ago. As I type this, 364 days ago, we were leaving the hospital for the last time and driving home.
While it was good to be with mother until the very end even if she was in a coma, it was also hard to say good-bye and know it was going to be the final one. Sure a few good-byes to follow (at the visitation, at the cemetery) but none were particularly easy. This year, we are having Christmas as Bill & Kathy’s rather than dad’s. It will probably be easier for everyone. Nothing would have made last Christmas easy, for any of us, but we survived it. Life always goes on for the living. The trick is to find the way to allow it to go on for you.
While it’s been not always been an easy year, we have survived it. Life will never be the same as it was before, but that’s to be expected. We’ve needed to find a new way to continue some of the traditions we’ve had for years. And we’ve found some, they may still be refined before they are considered prefect I’m sure, but we work at it.
What I’m regretting most of all this evening though, is that my baby will never know Grandma. Sure baby still has one grandma left, but it won’t be the same as knowing my mother as grandma. I admit there is nothing I could have done to change. I didn’t have any say in what happened to my mother. There was no way, I could have prevented her aneurysm from rupturing when I didn’t know it existed. Even if I had become pregnant last year after the wedding, baby still wouldn’t have known my mother. But none of this changes the fact, that I wish my baby could have grown up knowing my mother. While not the same as knowing grandma baby will be able to know grandpa. I am thankful for that at least.